As a Sunday morning news junkie, I have begun to pick up on some language and behaviors that are definitely human equivalents to lip lifting, growling and target urination we find other animals engaging in when they want to communicate something to others who share their spaces. Territory is marked by people, as well, and can be done verbally or through body language. If you listen, you’ll note trends in speech meant to distance the guest from the pundit, who they hope will come across as an ignoramus thus making their points seem all that much more brilliant and right. There are some things we can learn from these situations that may help at upcoming parent/student/teacher conferences.
If you start out a sentence by saying, “Look,” it lets the questioner know immediately that he is just wrong in the assertion he’s just made. Insert the word stupid after look and it will be a lot closer to what the speaker wanted to say.
Another great zinger is, “With all due respect…” to be followed with all the reasons why the person you are giving due respect to is completely wrong. Respect and friendship are crutches upon which the armpits of impatient politeness rub. We will hear how one respectfully disagrees with his or her “good friend” on the other side of the aisle. While this is entirely possible if you watch their hands carefully, the ball their closed fists form gets smaller and smaller with every delivered counterpoint.
Sometimes we are given permission to think the way we do. People love to end seemingly hopelessly divergent arguments with, “Well, you’re entitled to your opinion.” or “That’s what’s great about America. We don’t always have to agree.” Sometimes, in order to appear reasonable we might say, “I could be wrong” or “Correct me if I’m wrong.” We don’t really think we’re wrong. We know we’re winning so we can afford to pretend our opinions are vulnerable to scrutiny. As if.
So get up early on Sunday and watch the political talk shows, especially if there are a couple people who have a wonderfully, vitriolic relationship. James Carville and his wife Mary Matalin are always fun, but too familiar to pretend to be pleasant. She just comes out and tells him he’s wrong and he holds his shaking head between his hands as though she just said something unbelievably dumb. They’re fun, but not subtle. That’s why, if you can, you should watch John McCain and practically anyone he is put next to with a glass of water and a microphone. He respects and admires everyone, but agrees with only a few. His favorite put down is, ironically, to call interviewers and challengers, “my friend”. He’ll say things like, “We’re all in this together, my friend, and if we get it wrong the world will swirl around in a fireball, explode and life as we know it will end. “ I seldom agree with him, but do keep the fire extinguisher handy.
So as we enter this time of meetings, hearings, conferences and study groups, listen to the sentence prefaces. You can pretty much ignore what comes after them because the real points have been made. Now I know that some people may find this a bit cynical, and insist that what people say is simply what they say and not some kind of social language code. Feel free to think what you want.
After all, it's a free country.
