A Fine Line

You walk into the cafeteria at work and posted on signs sticking up from the middle of each long table are numbers: 20-25, 26-30, 31-35, 36-40, 40-45, 46-50, and 50+. You sit down with your brown little bag of celery sticks and peanut butter, and a big bouncer type guy comes up to you and asks you your age. No reason to lie here, you give it willingly. He shakes his head and unfolds his arm leading to an arrow-tip index finger. The 55 year olds sit at THAT table. You look at your friend who is 49 and back to the bouncer. You tell him that you are friends and want to eat together. You want to talk about your new baby or grandchild or boyfriend. The bouncer says he’s sorry, which means just shut-up and move ‘cuz he’s not budging on this, and tells you it just doesn’t work to mix everybody up that way. It’s too hard to keep track of things. The younger employees need more help, the thirty-somethings always tease the new hires by stealing their desserts and besides, everyone finishes at a different time and that leaves people scattered all over the room. Add to that the known fact that old timers want to be left alone and the only solution is staff segregation. So you pick up your vitamin water and move. Later that day, back in your office, an email memo circulates reminding employees of the new cafeteria policy. Break it and you are subject to a charge of insubordination. You take the gauntlet out of your “In Box” and throw it down. Before you know it there are gauntlets flying all over the place.

Our nation’s adults are in constant search of ways to make kids nicer, more respectful, and compassionate. The latest trends include Character Education, The Responsive Classroom, Quality Schools, Excellence in Education, and even home schooling which emphasize education, moral virtues and values. Whether they are family or societal, the goals are the same- to make kids smart and nice. Ironically most public schools, if they look hard enough, will find many instances in which students with differences are separated from one another. This may mean segregating by age, religious beliefs, academic achievement or potential, abilities and disabilities, English and non-English speakers and even so called gifted/talented and whatever the opposite of that is.

If people are serious about building character, moral values, compassion, respect, empathy and everything else we swear we want for today’s youth, I wonder how all the separation moves that forward. We sort kids out thinking we can shield them from the uncomfortable times in life- those times we run across people who speak differently, act differently, have tempers, are shy, are older or younger, smarter and not so smart, pray before they eat, who don’t pray ever, and from other human beings they have a problem with. In times of crisis, funny how we don’t much care that the person helping us is our complete opposite.

I have found that often, children who have the most severe disagreements realize with a common endeavor, the other kid really isn’t all that bad. When I turn the solutions over to them rather than try to micro-manage all their dealings with others, they usually rise to the occasion. Kids are masters at coming up with innovative solutions to problems, especially human ones. They are quick to understand the strengths and weaknesses of others if someone talks to them about it. They can understand why one kid gets to chew gum to calm his nerves and no one else can. They can understand that the kid who can’t read yet is trying as hard as she can and they offer to help. Children are the best of what human beings can be. Keeping kids apart is an artificial existence. At no other time in their lives will they be grouped the way some are in schools. We think we are preparing kids for the real world? Let them eat together, play together, and learn together.

The students will become the teachers.

It has morphed into a day no pagan framer would even recognize. We used to have fun planning and making our costumes with materials that didn’t include petroleum products and chainsaws. Weeks were spent in preparation. Now we're out the day before the school Halloween parade, rummaging through what is left of the multi-colored plastic bag costumes with stretch elastic and hard plastic masks of George Bush and Snow White.

Back in the day we went for miles in search of more candy, and not in our parents’ cars either. We did it old school, running and screaming. It was all about accumulation and we feared no food or distributor. One year my own father handed out ice cream cones. We had a line at the door and no one thought twice about eating the stuff. Now candy is x-rayed and parent approved. There is talk that Homeland Security may start setting up screening booths on street corners across America, just in case.

Worse than all of that, with everyone being so overweight in America some people are actually handing out stickers, pencils or toothbrushes. Are you kidding me? That would never have happened when Trick or Treat was all about the treats. No matter how hungry you are, a sticker just doesn’t cut it. I must applaud the efforts of the manufacturers of Bible Bars, Testamints, and Kosher Pops, however.

Another thing...Time was when Trick or Treat was at night. That’s what made it fun. That was the edge that Halloween needs. For those of us afraid of the dark, that was enough to make it the scary event it was meant to be. Now kids go house to house even during Packer games! Rather than miss that, many folks just stick a bowl of candy out front with a sign that says, “Take just one.” Teenagers have those completely emptied by the time the XXXL Brett Favre jersey closes his screen door and goes for the chips.

It is an ironic holiday, children knocking on the doors of strangers we otherwise tell them to stay away from and filling bags full of crap we otherwise tell them not to eat. If it must remain, I propose this. There should be an opt-out clause of sorts if we know we have no intention of giving away food muchless getting up and walking across the room. Here's the idea: Front porch lights on if you want kids at your doorstep and lights out if you don‘t. That way there will be no disappointing dead end destinations for kids and no resentments about buying candy for children whose parents are richer than they are, for adults. There will be no wasted time for those who have been transported from miles away or walk all the way from Whitefish Bay. Best yet, there will be no need to miss even one minute of The Bachelor. Ahhh…the holiday season begins. Buckle your seat belts.