I have not given high school debate team coaches enough credit. Who knew how much was involved in a debate that has nothing to do with the actual topic? I’ve underestimated the potential of little kids who can convince me of anything; and to think I’ve accused them of being liars with their pants on fire. I should have given more time to observing what was good about their pitches, regardless of what they said. I learned this week, that when all else is sort of equal, other things take precedence when evaluating the success or demise of participants.
First of all kids, for the love of God, wear something that shows devotion to your school. A lapel pin, t-shirt, band uniform, or at least school colors somewhere, although avoid the urge to paint them in halves, across your chests or faces Debates are not Packer games, and girls especially, your reputations are on the line. Oh, and don’t wear high contrast stripes because the vertigo one can feel when seeing them on television detracts from the point you are hoping to make. Stoic, subtle, funereal=perceived acumen.
Debate team members probably know this, but little kids can reap the benefits of these lessons, too. When you grow enough to stand behind a lectern, lean in when you are making your case. Make it look as though the point you are making right at that moment is one you are willing to fall on your microphone-sword for, it is just that important.
Take everyone in with your eyes. Swivel-head your expressions so that all can see the splendor that is you, kind of like Elvis used to do. That leaves the impression you are singing to each person, message passed through the genuine, emotional connection between your eyes and theirs. Look at your opponent when you take him on so the pundits, or school newspaper reporters see that you aren’t afraid to look someone in the eye before you kick him in the knee. Perfect choreography and clever assemblage of words and implication. If you can’t look your opponent in the eye, look only at the moderator, or straight ahead at the audience in their underwear, but we warned that it only makes you look grumpy, mean-spirited and as though you are trying to keep from ripping your opponent’s heart out and eating it.
On the bright side…Don’t worry about factual accuracy. By the time people check out all the questionable statements, it will be over and forgotten; so say what you want and if it is a lie, repeat it over and over and over again. Interrupt the flow of words from across the stage with utterances of, “That’s not true” or “That’s not what I said. “ Smirk, pretend you are writing, or look confused at what the other debater is saying and don’t agree with any part of anything your opponent says. Argue every point, even if you have to bring into question your opponent’s sincerity after he says he is happy to be there, or who arrived at the venue first in anticipation of this possibly campaign ending collision of preparations. Express your exasperation loudly and often, except don’t sigh or check your watch while you’re doing it. Eventually the listeners will surrender to your reality, especially if you have almost two years to create it.
When the debate has ended, sprint around the podium to be the first to extend your gracious hand for all to see. Cuff the fingers of the other around his forearm as you shake into him the fear, and resurrect the hidden belief that he really is as inadequate as his parents and teachers always told him he was. Curtain drops. Mission accomplished.
Congratulations.
