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This Just In...
Kevin Fischer is an award-winning veteran broadcaster who has been seen and heard on Milwaukee TV and radio stations for nearly three decades.
Kevin, who is a legislative aide to state Sen. Mary Lazich (R-New Berlin), can be seen offering his views on the news on the public affairs program, “InterCHANGE,” on Milwaukee Public Television Channel 10, and heard filling in on Newstalk 1130 WISN. He lives with his wife, Jennifer, and their baby daughter, Kyla Audrey, in Franklin.
Culinary no-no #34
By Kevin Fischer
Sunday, Dec 23 2007, 09:00 AM
“Sun-ripened California raisins, delicious pineapple, crunchy Georgia pecans, plump juicy cherries, freshly shelled walnuts and almonds, tangy lemon and orange peel....blended into a rich pound-cake batter.....baked to a golden brown.”
Now to me, that sounds pretty good. It’s from the website of the famous Claxton Bakery in Georgia, known for its fruitcake.
Of course, the fruitcake has become the Rodney Dangerfield of Christmas treats.
'Fruitcakes make good door stops.'
'Fruitcakes make good weights on a grandfather clock.'
'Fruitcakes make good Christmas wreaths.'
'Fruitcakes make good Curling stones.'
'There is really only one fruitcake; it's just been passed around for hundreds of years' (a line attributed to Johnny Carson that supposedly started the attack on fruitcake).
Then there is this:
Some Great Things About Fruitcake
Patrick G Horneker
October 15, 2005
How many of you really enjoy eating fruitcake? Not many? I didn'tthink so. Fruitcake is one of the most versatile foods anyone can (orshould I say cannot) consume...and here are some really great things aboutfruitcake that you may or may not ever have heard about.
_ Fruitcake can withstand hurricanes, avalanches, blizzards, desert heat andother natural weather phenomenom.
_ You really need tools to cut and serve fruitcake, for instance, a jackhammer,a ginsu knife or a mallet and chisel.
_ Whose recipe for fruitcake is better Betty Crocker's or Bob Vila's?
_ One day it is sitting on a plate ready to serve, the next day, it is part ofthe foundation for a new building.
_ Fruitcake is made with a recipe that was handed down for generations...andlooks like it, too.
_ Fruitcake is made with candied fruit, walnuts, our, sugar, and rum. Youcan, of course, substitute cement mix for our and Chicago River waterfor rum, and the fruitcake would still taste the same.
_ Most cakes are served with ice cream or whipped topping. Fruitcake isbest served with antacids and bicarbonate of soda.
_ Fruitcake will one day be an exhibit at the Field Museum.
_ You can learn natural history from a fruitcake.
_ Fruitcake is guaranteed to last through the next millennium.
_ You can pound nails into cement with a fruitcake.
_ You can fix a street or a parking lot by pouring fruitcake batter into thepotholes after the spring thaw.
_ Fruitcakes make very inexpensive paperweights, when compared to old486 systems.
_ The only way to make a fruitcake better is to paint a masterpiece on it.
According to a Reuters story last month, nearly half of U.S. adults questioned in an online survey said they regift (or resell) holiday presents. Food and drink leads the list at 35 percent, and fruitcakes account for 15 percent of those items.
Why the fruitcake gets little respect is beyond me. Any food that has such great ingredients as sugar, fruit, sugar, nuts, sugar, raisins and sugar can’t be that bad.
I happen to be pro-fruitcake.
There are two kinds of this baked good: dark and light.
Dark fruitcakes are generally made with darker ingredients, such as molasses, brown sugar, prunes, dates, raisins and walnuts. They also may include a wine or a brown liquor such as bourbon or brandy.
Light fruitcakes are made with granulated sugar or corn syrup and contain lighter-colored ingredients such as almonds and golden raisins.
Cakespy.com provides this history:
As it turns out, fruitcakes have a rather-er, rich history, the earliest ones dating back to Roman times, when a dense mixture of nuts, barley mash and various preserved fruits served as long-term sustenance that did not spoil quickly--perfect for crusaders and hunters out on long voyages. When the dried fruits of the Mediterranean traveled to other parts of Europe, the cake evolved into a tradition during nut harvests: each year, a fruitcake would be made with the nuts of the harvest, which would be then saved and eaten the following year, to kick of the next harvest.
Unfortunately the popularity dwindled a bit when fruitcakes were deemed "sinfully rich" by the government in the early 18th century in Europe, and they were relegated to a special-occasion only cake (this is how it became associated with holidays); luckily, these laws became a little more lax later on in the century, and it became a staple of high tea in England.
While it's pretty clear that the fruitcake is rich in tradition, we did not fail to notice that there weren't many stories of it being beloved for its actual taste. In fact there is even evidence to the contrary: Queen Victoria is said to have waited a year to eat a fruitcake she received for her birthday because she felt it showed restraint, moderation and good taste. (Source: What's Cooking America). Hmm, or perhaps it just wasn't yummy?
Cakespy.com contends the fruitcake is the ideal type of cake to send by mail:
1) It keeps well
2) It is impervious to most jostling
3) It stays fresh
It’s quite possible that with so many other goodies in the house like candy, cookies, gingerbread men and the like, the fruitcake gets overlooked.
That’s a shame because I find fruitcakes and stollens to be quite tasty, smeared with butter with a hot cup of tea.
So, if you get a fruitcake as a gift this year, don’t give it away.
And don't be afraid.
Dig in!
PREVIOUS CULINARY NO-NO’S
1) Ketchup on a brat
2) Green peppers on pizza
3) The dirty martini
4) Fruity brats
5) A Bloody Mary after dinner
6) Women “manning” the grill
7) Eating pizza at Festa Italiana, brats at German Fest, or tacos at Fiesta Mexicana. (Be adventurous. You can have those items anytime).
8) Eating a cream puff as though it was a hamburger.
9) Taking your own bottle of sauce when invited to a barbecue.
10) Touching the grill if you’re a guest at an outdoor barbecue.
11) Coaching the host on how to grill.
12) Some regional flavored ice cream…..like black licorice.
13) Taking the husks off before you grill corn on the cob
14) Being afraid to chill red wine
15) Pizza on the grill
16) When serving exotic or strange dishes to guests, do not tell them exactly what it is. Instead, use a more inviting term (caviar) rather than being blunt (fish eggs).
17) In late summer and early fall, this time of year, don’t buy zucchini. Somehow, someway, you will find zucchini or zucchini will find you.
18) Showing disrespect to your restaurant server.
19) Eating out on a Monday night.
20) Pumpkin beer.
21) Mail-order turkey.
22) Grilled cheese is just for kids.
23) Dining in the dark.
24) Ketchup on spaghetti
25) Sneaking healthy foods into treats to get your kids to eat it.
26) Do not throw away culinary gifts received in the mail because you don’t like them.
27) Do not feel guilty about eating Oreos. (Oreos are not to blame for out of control obesity).
28) Doing something so totally ridiculous that you are desperately forced to call the Butterball Turkey Hot-Line for assistance.
29) Don’t forget the sweet potato January-October.
30) Using resource guides from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s on gracious living to plan holiday parties
31) Eating cranberries, the best of the super-foods, only during the holidays.
32) Egg nog that isn’t spiked
33) Putting hot spices and other weird stuff in chocolate bars and hot cocoa
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