THE FOLLOWING BLOG TAKES PLACE SOMETIME IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE, ASSUMING 36 PREVIOUS BOOMGAARD BOONDOGGLE BLOGS HAVE BEEN POSTED ON FranklinNOW
Franklin Mayor Tom Taylor walked out of an emergency meeting of the Franklin Common Council. Outside City Hall, Taylor saw a large group of protesters had spilled out onto the street.
Members of the Shamrock Club, the German American Society of Milwaukee, and The Giuseppe Garibaldi Society stood shoulder to shoulder and chanted in unison:
“Boomgaard, Schmoomgaard, what about us!”
Reporters from Channels 4, 6, 12, and 58 immediately shoved microphones in Taylor’s face.
“Boomgaard, Schmoomgaard, what about us!” the chants continued.
Taylor tried to speak to reporters over the shouts and screams.
“Guys, I don’t know what to tell you,” said Taylor. “You’d think after 7 hours and 45 votes the Common Council would have been able to come up with a decision about what to do with this naming controversy. But I don’t think the aldermen were very focused. I mean you had Kristen Wilhelm yelling over and over again, ‘we never do anything,’ Lyle Sohns had that breakdown….’I coulda been president,’ Steve Taylor was off in a corner sharing recipes with Pete Kosovich, and I’m not really sure, but I think Steve Olson was absent. Now, could you repeat the question because whatever it was, it’s not easy to answer……………you know what? I gotta go.”
And then he ran to his car.
The famous Klement’s Racing Sausages were also on hand, with the Chorizo acting as spokesman.
“Ay, caramba. Look at us, what do you see? Do you see a Dutch sausage? No, you don’t see no Dutch sausage! You want cool street? You name it after the best! Boomgaard? Que loco!"
Franklin residents submitted numerous signatures on petitions that had been circulated online by a Franklin blogger. The residents objected to renderings of street signs to be placed along the South 27th Street corridor. The petitions read:
“We, the undersigned, suspicious of anything new and exciting, especially developments that will lead to growth and job creation, oppose the planned Boomgaard traffic signs because to tell you the truth, in plain English, not Dutch, they’re really ugly."
"You're in deep trouble now," said one of the petition drive leaders who was also involved in last year's Target petitions. "We got lots and lots of signatures on these sheets, almost all of them from different people."
"They never asked the people, they never talked to us,” said one angry Franklin resident. “They just shoved it down our throats and when I tried to e-mail City Hall to tell them how upset I was, you know what happened, huh, huh? I’ll tell you what happened. Those aldermen, they did somethin’ and they went down there and they messed with it, they shut down the website, for cryin’ out loud.”
“It’s a conspiracy, a downright dirty conspiracy,” claimed a woman clutching a copy of, “Black Helicopters over America.”
"They’re trying to force us to accept this craziness,” complained another Franklin citizen. “You go to Omega on 27th……. the flavor of the day, Dutch Apple, 31 straight days in May. That was the last straw for me.”
During an emotional meeting inside City Hall, Mayor Taylor tried to reassure the crowd that the move to name the 27th Street corridor, “The Boomgaard District” was not a hasty decision.
“We certainly took our time,” said Taylor as several aldermen nodded in approval. “We were so diligent and thorough that we actually didn’t come up with Boomgaard until after Tuesday, April 1."
Another Franklin blogger, Fred Keller tried to reason with the perturbed standing room only audience.
“I know folks are juuuuuuuust a tad touchy about this whole Boomgaard deal, but where were you when the School Board was raising the school tax levy by close to 12% when they promised us it would only be 5.6%?”
Keller was booed unmercifully.
“Are you nuts, Keller???!!!!”
“We love high taxes, Keller. Sit down and shut up!" Sue Huhn cried out.
“School Board meetings are for nerds. You’ll never catch us there, Fred!”
Another Franklin blogger threatened action.
“I know for a fact you guys came up with Boomgaard on a cocktail napkin at Ka,” said Greg Kowalski. “Well, I’m pretty sure you did. Or at least, I kinda think you did. Well, I’m sayin’ you did and I’m gonna file an open records request to find out. How do ya like dem apples?!”
Franklin blogger John Michlig leaped out of his seat, tears streaming down his face, clapping his hands with pride.
“That’s my boy! That’s my boy!” Michlig proclaimed.
Kowalski turned to his friend and said, “John, please. Control yourself. Especially with that ‘boy’ stuff. After all…..I am 21, 5 months and 12 days old now.”
Meanwhile, FranklinNOW reporter John Neville, sitting in one of the front rows nervously kept looking at his watch.
“Hey guys,” Neville said. “Could we move this meeting along? I’ve got a craft fair to cover.”
“Will someone listen to me?” a voice hollered from the back of the room.
It was defeated mayoral candidate Basil Ryan.
“Don’t every two out of three people in Franklin get it? If this Boomgaard deal goes through, there will be a 26% drop in police coverage in the city of Franklin and taxes will go up 48.6%”
As moans filled the room, FranklinNOW blogger Bryan Maersch inquired, “What is that? (Sniff, sniff) Is someone smokin’ in here?”
At this point, the meeting had, for all intents and purposes gotten out of control and was abruptly adjourned.
No one seemed to hear sweet Shari Hanneman as she stood to remind the crowd, “There will be a Planning Commission meeting tomorrow night as we discuss for the 11th time what kind of door handles to put on the new Dairy Queen.”
Outside, Mayor Taylor dodged reporters and racing sausages as he attempted to get to his car.
The crowd chanted, “2-4-6-8…how much did that Zizzo make?”
Reporters then scrambled as live TV trucks squealed onto Loomis Road, headed for the airport to cover a related story.
Oliver Stone was flying into Milwaukee with a film crew.
